People just don’t give up. They love a challenge, and if that challenge is something worthwhile – say, helping people risk their lives and the lives of others by drinking and driving – then they’ll work tirelessly thinking up answers.
Even if those answers don’t work.
And even if they’re revolting.
The challenge is to beat a breathalyzer or ignition interlock. We thought we heard them all, but it seems that everyone has his or her own way to fool breathalyzer circuitry. Moreover, everyone swears that their cousin tried this trick and it worked. Here are some recent additions to our list:
- Silicone in your mouth. Maybe it plugs up the hole?
- Eating dryer sheets. Because static cling and intoxication have so much in common.
- Blowing the air out of your lungs before you test.
- Hack the breathalyzer’s source code. Hmm.
- Drinking warm grapefruit juice. As they say, it couldn’t hurt.
- Drinking vinegar. This converts all the alcohol into another compound blah blah blah.
- Eating chocolate or honey. Sweet! You’re under arrest.
- Hyperventilating. Even lawyers recommend this. Marginal at best for breathalyzers, and a complete flop for ignition interlocks.
- Eating strong foods like hot curries and garlic. Check out the drunk driving arrest rate in India.
- Eating cigarettes
- Eating mustard
- … Lava soap
- … Olive oil
- … Toilet paper
- … Please stop
- Pretend to blow, but don’t really. <head slap> How could we have forgotten about this when we designed the breath test?
- Use mouthwash to raise the BAC reading to a level so ridiculous that the officer will think the device is broken. Go ahead. Let us know how that one works.
- Run. Outrun the police and report your car stolen so you’re not charged with DUI. Actually, there’s an elegance to this one that’s offset by fact that an imbecile dreamed it up.
How to Beat a Breathalyzer
Whether you’re being tested by a police breathalyzer or an ignition interlock, you should know that the designers of these devices have been dealing with cheaters since day one, and they’ve learned a thing or two. That’s why:
- Ignition interlocks and breathalyzers have flow sensors that ensure that a full breath sample air is coming in to the device. You can’t fake it that way.
- Breath alcohol comes directly from the bloodstream to the lungs. Putting junk in your mouth or your stomach doesn’t change your reading.
- The way to beat a breathalyzer or ignition interlock is to be sober when you’re driving. That one really works.
We know. Our cousin tried it and he’s had no trouble with the cops.